When I finally had a good internet connection today and hopped on Facebook, I saw the article, "23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23." I decided to take a quick break from exploring temples, riding elephants, and learning to cook here in Thailand to share my thoughts on this topic.
When I saw the article's title, I thought, sure, there are tons of things to do and see at 23. As soon as I made my way past the title and down a couple paragraphs, my blood started to boil. I get the author's intent: there are other things to do with your life in your early 20's other than getting married. Ok, fair enough, not everyone gets married at 23 and that's perfectly fine. But to state that getting married young is a cop-out? I call bullshit on that one.
The author of this article makes several points, the main one being that you miss out on adventure and finding yourself if you get married before 23. She then gives a list of all the things you could be doing instead of getting married. On her list, only 2 things you can't (or shouldn't) do while married. I am pretty certain that marriage doesn't stop me from adopting a pet, doing a pinterest craft, signing up for crossfit, eating an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting, or writing a blog. I can do these things married, engaged, single, old, young, now, later; I don't think it's defined by my relationship status. Do single people think that we married people just sit at home and stare at each other?
The point of this list was to tell the young singles that you must "find yourself" before giving yourself to someone else and that you will not have these opportunities to discover yourself once you "settle down" in marriage. I don't think that you should ever stop discovering yourself, growing, adapting, learning, whether you are married or not. Marriage doesn't mean you have to stay the same person forever and never change. Just as in single life, you can learn news things, see news things, make mistakes, discover the world. Marriage does not mean "settling down" and it certainly doesn't mean giving up opportunities. Sure, there are more compromises to be made, but that doesn't mean you have to stop doing things you love or seeing the world. It just means you have someone to do those things with. Life is an adventure at any age or marital status.
Since my husband and I said "I do" in 2012 at the ripe old age of 21, I have had more fun and adventure than any other stage of life. We didn't stop hanging out with our friends or doing fun things on weekends. We didn't stop chasing our dreams or getting an education. We didn't stop traveling. We didn't stop finding new hobbies. If anything, marriage has helped me discover myself more than being single ever did and has opened up adventures that I never knew were possible.
The article also states that people who get married young do so to "hide behind their significant other instead of dealing with life's highs and lows on their own." You mean to tell me that life all the sudden gets easy when you are married? Yes, hardships are easier to face with someone, but was I coping out? Hell no. Marriage isn't easy and life doesn't turn into rainbows and unicorns as soon as you say I do. Life's ups just seem a bit more enjoyable when you have someone to share them with. Sure, you shouldn't jump into marriage just to have someone to share life with, and yes, some people make the mistake of marrying the wrong person when they are young. At the same time, if you are 100% sure your significant other is the one for you and you are ready for that step, being under 23 shouldn't stop you. There is no set age at which you should get married or any set list of things you have to do before you take that step.
The point of all of this is simple: Each person is dealt a separate hand in life. Some get married young. Some don't find the person they are going to marry until later in life. Some people never get married. There is no rule book saying at what age you should be hitting each milestone in life. Instead of focusing on changing the cards you were given, make the most of them. If you are 23 and married, live life to the fullest and take every opprtunity. If you are 23 and single, do the same! Life is too short, we don't need anyone telling us how our life is supposed to play out.
When I saw the article's title, I thought, sure, there are tons of things to do and see at 23. As soon as I made my way past the title and down a couple paragraphs, my blood started to boil. I get the author's intent: there are other things to do with your life in your early 20's other than getting married. Ok, fair enough, not everyone gets married at 23 and that's perfectly fine. But to state that getting married young is a cop-out? I call bullshit on that one.
The author of this article makes several points, the main one being that you miss out on adventure and finding yourself if you get married before 23. She then gives a list of all the things you could be doing instead of getting married. On her list, only 2 things you can't (or shouldn't) do while married. I am pretty certain that marriage doesn't stop me from adopting a pet, doing a pinterest craft, signing up for crossfit, eating an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting, or writing a blog. I can do these things married, engaged, single, old, young, now, later; I don't think it's defined by my relationship status. Do single people think that we married people just sit at home and stare at each other?
The point of this list was to tell the young singles that you must "find yourself" before giving yourself to someone else and that you will not have these opportunities to discover yourself once you "settle down" in marriage. I don't think that you should ever stop discovering yourself, growing, adapting, learning, whether you are married or not. Marriage doesn't mean you have to stay the same person forever and never change. Just as in single life, you can learn news things, see news things, make mistakes, discover the world. Marriage does not mean "settling down" and it certainly doesn't mean giving up opportunities. Sure, there are more compromises to be made, but that doesn't mean you have to stop doing things you love or seeing the world. It just means you have someone to do those things with. Life is an adventure at any age or marital status.
Since my husband and I said "I do" in 2012 at the ripe old age of 21, I have had more fun and adventure than any other stage of life. We didn't stop hanging out with our friends or doing fun things on weekends. We didn't stop chasing our dreams or getting an education. We didn't stop traveling. We didn't stop finding new hobbies. If anything, marriage has helped me discover myself more than being single ever did and has opened up adventures that I never knew were possible.
The article also states that people who get married young do so to "hide behind their significant other instead of dealing with life's highs and lows on their own." You mean to tell me that life all the sudden gets easy when you are married? Yes, hardships are easier to face with someone, but was I coping out? Hell no. Marriage isn't easy and life doesn't turn into rainbows and unicorns as soon as you say I do. Life's ups just seem a bit more enjoyable when you have someone to share them with. Sure, you shouldn't jump into marriage just to have someone to share life with, and yes, some people make the mistake of marrying the wrong person when they are young. At the same time, if you are 100% sure your significant other is the one for you and you are ready for that step, being under 23 shouldn't stop you. There is no set age at which you should get married or any set list of things you have to do before you take that step.
The point of all of this is simple: Each person is dealt a separate hand in life. Some get married young. Some don't find the person they are going to marry until later in life. Some people never get married. There is no rule book saying at what age you should be hitting each milestone in life. Instead of focusing on changing the cards you were given, make the most of them. If you are 23 and married, live life to the fullest and take every opprtunity. If you are 23 and single, do the same! Life is too short, we don't need anyone telling us how our life is supposed to play out.
Rant over, time to go back to my married life, living abroad and riding elephants
